To Start

I'm not really sure where to start this. I wanted it to be a sort of journal, only this time I can't lose it! I see that it will probably be disorganized and done randomly; like many things in my life. That's just what I have time for it seems. Time and will power anyway.

So to start, I am a wife to my husband Scott. I love him more than I  will ever be able to make anyone understand. Without him, I wouldn't be myself. He makes me happy, more understanding of others and much more patient with life in general. He helps me to see that there is a silver lining in all things and that sometimes it is really important to hang onto that. A while back I went through some really bad things and it had been quite a long time since I'd felt that depressed. It was very bleak and very lonely; Scott helped me see that I could pick myself up and get on with life! That is exactly what we did.

We now have a beautiful little girl named Kahlan Rose. Rose is a very special name for us. It is my middle name as well. It was my Mother's maiden name; it was my Grandpa's last name. That is why it is so important to me. We were always going to use Rose as a middle name, but it seemed like it was made so much more absolute when my Grandpa died in February of 2010. I was four months pregnant then. I has just told him a few weeks earlier that we were going to have a baby. He was excited and ornery as ever about it! He got that look in his eyes and asked me "You know how that happens right?" HA! That was the last time I really got to talk with him. I gave him a hug and saw how excited he was about it. I was only upset that I wasn't able to tell him it was a girl yet. We found out later. Kahlan has helped us all move on from loss I think. Funny thing about a new life, it sure gets you moving. She is constantly changing and growing and I feel like I'll never get caught up! She has her Daddy's dimples, my eye color and his eye shape too. Her cheeks are a combo of his and mine, poor thing, they are HUGE! I've never seen a baby with such big cheeks. She'll forever have people pinching them but she seems to have enough of a good disposition to deal with it. She is almost nine months old now, and has light brown hair that is starting to get dark again.

It's very strange to me, being a Mother, and yet it is the most natural thing in the world at the same time. See, I'm not Mom right? That would be my Mother. Then again, she's a Grandma now so it's a little weird. This last visit was sort of an eye opener for me. My Mom and Kahlan always bond so quickly, I'm a little afraid she may like her more than me. Well this last visit I never once really thought that, not even for a second. Kahlan would sit with her and play, but she'd always look to see that I was right behind her. She'd reach out for me several times and even whined a little to get me. I loved it. I think my Mom did too; just seeing that she wanted her Mama. Kahlan is talking now, she says dada a lot and has said mama quite a few times too. I think she may be getting that 'mama' is for me even, but I feel like that is just way too early.

I spend my time looking for a job that would pay enough to cover childcare and come with benefits (amazingly enough those are few and far between) and taking care of her. I sell some old things to make a little extra money on the side. Scott has gone back to school and will ***hopefully*** be graduating in December. I can't believe our life is this hectic and this good. I really love being his wife, Kahlan's Mom and Jerri's daughter. There are a lot of other titles I have, but right now, those are the main ones that I focus on. See you my next free minute!